I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize