Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize