They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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