In America we eat man semen.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
