Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
