ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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