We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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