I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
