I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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