I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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