i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize