I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.