So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
