I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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