Don't you send me to vm
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
