FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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