I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
did i walk over a car last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.