Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.