I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
do herpes really smell.
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!