the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.