i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position