last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
