a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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