and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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