so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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