if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
