its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
