sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
