My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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