I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
