overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His nipple licking is glorious
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
