yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
