Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
