I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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