The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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