and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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