i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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