Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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