the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
