just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS