I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.