you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.