I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers