I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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