Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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