Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We're too hungover to prance.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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