If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my poor anus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
