Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize