Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
