I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want nice things and good sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
