then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
