They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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