Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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