Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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