I love black thongs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
