life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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