Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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