Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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