Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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